Saturday, February 19, 2011

5 Things I Never Need to Hear Again

Sometimes in life there are things that gain momentary popularity or, for some other reason, become the fashion.  Specifically I am referring to elements of speech.  Eventually those cute phrases or handy monikers  wear out their welcome and become ear poison.  Once that happens, hearing them uttered is akin to brain rape.  We must learn when enough is enough. What is clever one day is annoying the next.  Some people lack the judgment to determine when the changeover occurs and must be told.  Alrighty then (see what I did there?), good people, help is on the way.  I have compiled a list of ne'ersays that I think most of us will agree should be stricken from the word list.  Without further ado, I give you five examples of:


Stuff I Never Need to Hear Ever Again

1.  Step up/Step Up to the Plate - I get it.  It's cute.  When a baseball player has a turn at bat, he "steps up to the plate."  That means he is ready to handle his responsibility.   That is an adorable and effective metaphor but I'm done with it now.  You will hear it everywhere from talk shows (usually referring to someone "stepping up" to take care of the baby they just found out they have when they got paternity tested along with fourteen other people) to reality shows but never, it seems, during a baseball game.  Well stop it.  It's over.  Pick another sport and come up with something new. 

2.  Literally/Actually - I grouped these two together because they are legitimate words that have a place in our language when used correctly.  They made the list because folks bandy them about like they were handing them out at the free clinic.  They do have real meanings, you know.  There is no need to ever use them incorrectly.  You did not "literally" die when anyone said anything.  That is obvious if you are now reading this.  "Actually" is not a filler.  It doesn't just go anywhere when you feel like you need additional syllables as in, "What high school did you attend?"  "Nuke 'em High, actually."  Well okay.  If you did attend Nuke'em High, I give you permission to use the word.  Otherwise...NO!  
If you are at all unsure of how to use the above words, just don't do it.  Trust me when I tell you it actually removes all validity from the remainder of your sentence.  Literally.

3.  Throwing Anyone Under the Bus - Every time any group of people is up for elimination of any kind, someone gets "thrown under the bus."  Again, it is an effective metaphor.  I can picture it clearly.  You want someone out of your way, what do you do?  You wait on the corner for a bus to go by and toss 'em under it.  It happens every day.    Recently, a contestant on "Face Off" used the term and added the colorful bit, "cross town" bus.  That doesn't help.  Every time I hear that phrase I want to follow suit literally.

 4.  24/7 or 24/7/365 - These are both useful terms if you are a 7-11 employee explaining your business hours.  Otherwise, stop it.  What the hell is wrong with just saying, "every day?"  It only makes sense.  The longer of the two above has nine syllables.  Nine.  "Every day" only has four.  I'd say that's much more verbally economical and in times like these we should save every bit we can.  

5.  Take It to the Next Level - Whenever someone is discussing their relationship, you can almost always count on this phrase popping out.  If you aren't playing a video game I don't want to hear it.  

 
Inigo Montoya has something to say on the matter as well.


3 comments:

  1. I might be guilty of a 'next level', can't recall for certain though. LOL
    'Get 'er done' and 'Cowboy up!' spring immediately to mind from this Texan.
    More should come to mind, but they escape me.

    Not so popular these days, but the term "Einstein" used insultingly always made me cringe ;)

    I'm personally hoping to renew an interest in using the term "my ass your face". It's quite profound under any circumstances.

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  2. "To be honest" is one that even I throw about occasionally and it should really die a fiery death.

    "Well you know, I was actually going to lie to you at first; however, I've decided to literally tell you the truth, instead." LOL

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  3. While i am getting tired of hearing the phrase "throwing someone under the bus" i would personally love to see it happen occasionally.

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