Rules to Live By: The Elevator Edition

It never takes long to get me going again.  I'm a really nice person but it's fairly easy to get me riled, depending on the subject.  Common Courtesy is one thing that takes me to the edge every time.  That is what inspired me to start writing "Rules to Live by and I Fucking Mean It."  Here's an example:

Elevator Etiquette:

An elevator (or lift for my across the pond friends) can be a safe and fun way to travel up and down within a building.  Willy Wonka has other ideas but, let's face it, he's a man far ahead of his time.  Using an elevator is relatively simple compared to most things.  It mainly involves pushing a button, waiting, stepping in, waiting, stepping out and going about your day.  Some people, however, insist on making everything difficult and stressful.  Here are some rules for those guys.

1.  It works just like the bus or subway, people.  When it comes to a stop, those EXITING the elevator get to leave.  Then those ENTERING the elevator get on.  No muss, no fuss.  It won't leave without you.  Just wait your freakin turn.  There is no need to run over that poor old lady with the stroller, I promise.

2.  You only have to press the button once.  Jabbing the button repeatedly with your thumb might get you money on Jeopardy (unless you're up against Watson) but it won't get the elevator there any faster.  I promise.  As a matter of fact if I was the elevator, I'd go extra slow just to piss you off.

3.  If there are only a couple of people on the elevator, you don't have to move to the center when the doors are about to open, arms flailing, screaming, "this is my floor!"  Do you also have those airport guys wave you into parking spots?  Chill out.  It's going to stop on your floor because that is what elevators do.  

4.  Everyone knows number four but somehow it remains a problem.  Basically, don't crowd people you don't know.  Being forced into a tiny cubicle with a slew of strangers might be a good time for some but, surprisingly, many people do not enjoy it.  Have a little respect for your fellow passengers and "give 'im room, Brody."

Maybe these people have the right idea.  Assign your standing areas to avoid unnecessary altercations.

She really hates it when people don't obey the rules.